Fast Forward

I am so thankful that God answered my prayer. There once was a time, when I begged God to fast forward me to a time where I didn't have to experience the pain of a broken heart, and rejection. When I can look at a picture of the one(s) who hurt me without having an ill feeling toward them. A time in which I could accept the past even if I didn't understand it. Well that time is now, and gratitude is too small a word to express what I am feeling, but it will have to do. Praise the Lord, I can only hope that I have learned my lesson.

Not boring, focused....

It has been awhile since I have written in my on-line journal. I have been busy, so when I have a quiet moment I would rather free my mind than concentrate on focusing my thoughts to write. My little girl is a year old, I have gone on several job interviews, turned down a few jobs, and I am pretty sure, I am over my fear of moving again. I feel as though the longer I sit here, that I am not moving forward. My family calls me an "old woman", but if I can't see a clear purpose of doing something I don't do it. Yes, I admit I like to go to bed early and wake up with the sun. My sister in law was complaining that I am boring, that I don't have sex, and that I don't drink anymore. I don't see the purpose of each at the moment, neither is going to help me achieve my present goals, they will only add more confusion to my already complicated life. I can live without both. I have what seems to me, a mountain of debt, I need to move, I need to start working in a stable career environment, begin to save college money for my daughter, write a will, get life insurance, sell my house, pay my lawyer to begin and quickly end this custody/child support issue. Sometimes, I want the company of a man, but I can't see myself wasting time and energy on someone who is not worthy of either, and then I have a pretty little girl to protect. There are a lot of perverts out there. I can honestly say, that if the next guy is not a God fearing, good, honest, decent man, I will not turn the other cheek, and it will end in tragedy. So in my volatile state, I choose to avoid all deep interpersonal and shallow physical relationships with men. It's too risky, and I can't afford to gamble with my feelings or my sanity. I may not have a chance to win, but I definitely will not lose. Well, let me go to sleep.....Good Nite All.