Separation

Today, I took my baby to daycare. This is the second day, but I think I am having a harder time than she is. She cried so much this morning, and I could tell yesterday, when I picked her up that she had been crying all day, she didn't even smile at me. I was excited yesterday, but I'll be going to work today  and will not see her until later on tonight. I feel sad. This is the beginning of a new chapter for us. Hopefully by next year, I will be financially prepared to move back down south, and finally plant some roots. I like the warm weather, and I love the beach, the sounds of the waves are soothing to me. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I went to Virginia Beach a couple of weeks ago. I am ready, at least to be on our own. I am not ready for a relationship, I don't trust men at all. Some man was flirting with me yesterday, and I just shut it down. My goals are to get financially staple, move, and stay in one place so I can raise my daughter to the best of my ability.  I communicated with daughter's father, to express my feelings on how I think it's irresponsible to be a dead-beat, and how hurt I was, and even after a year plus, how angry I still am, and of course according to him everything I say is bullshit, and I am delusional. He stated that he did nothing wrong, and everything was a figment of my imagination.  Our daughter, is not a child, she is "my decision". Then I realized that if he thinks nothing is wrong with making a child, then not taking any responsibility for his actions, then it doesn't matter how angry I am with him, or how many times I tell him. Nothing I say, is going to make a difference. I have to deal with my feelings, and raise our daughter. She is a beautiful, smart, little girl, she looks just like him, even though he refuses to claim her. Well, after this month of working I will have enough money to pay my lawyer, so since he is doesn't care, hopefully I will get my full custody, and child support without any fight from him. I wish it didn't have to be like this, but oh well. Once, everything is on paper, I'll take my daughter, and we will go have our nice lives together on the beach....I miss my baby. Let me go busy myself, so that I will not have to think about it.