Let God

Sometimes is it hard to let go. I have spent this whole year trying to let go of my anger, and trying to let God heal my heart, and despite the smiles, and all of the wonderful times and blessings, I realized that I am still not completely over it. The other day after many, months of trying to ignore the past. I let my curiosity get the best of me, and I finally looked my sperm donor up on social media. I had an idea that he had gotten married, as my sister told me, but to see the pictures, that angered me. The first thought that came to mind was "This is your wife? I wasn't sure, but I thought she was your sister from her physical features." And you are posting the pictures, and I look at her page, and nothing has changed. If I ever get married, I say if because at this point it is HIGHLY unlikely, I am going to tell the world. Shout it from the roof tops, and both of our pages will reflect that we are ONE.  Then something came to me  that said this modest "innocent" one is the one that is going to break him down.  Then I thought, how it wasn't fair that I face the consequences of my actions head on, and how not just him, but some males in general can just move on to the next without seemingly missing a beat, no remorse. Like oh well, that's her problem not mines. Then I got angry that I would even get involved with someone who is spiritually dead. Then I thought about getting him later, but then a small voice said...."Don't let him have that control over you. He has moved on and doesn't care. Plus people only post the nice pictures, and weddings are nice, but after all of that is over, the marriage begins, and how you start off is how you end up...Look you noticed she didn't change her pictures, after posting his pictures he changed his back only after two months, and she looks drunk, and his eyes look older...everything is not what it seems. God knows and sees all, lean not on your own understanding. You have a beautiful daughter, instead of holding on to the memory of how things happened after she was conceived, hold on to the memory of how you felt about him up until that point, for you there was nothing artificial about that, your feelings for him were genuine . Let God have your troubles, relax and enjoy your family, and thank God that (If) when you begin again, there will be no baggage. He blessed you with a clean slate, He has given you the opportunity to have someone in you and your daughter's lives who is worthy both of you. Forget about him, and don't go back on his page again, he's part of the unchangeable past.....let it go, and let God take care of your present and future." I am happy that God knows me, and speaks to me, and I listen.