Disconnected

Some days I feel so disconnected from the rest of  the world, and even God. I feel guilty for being who I am, if that makes sense. I enjoy when my child is asleep, so I can have some me time. I love her, but some times I need a break. My hormones seem to have kicked into over drive, and I have no outlet, because I am afraid to connect with anyone in this area, there are so many jerks, closet homos, and just weird men out there. I wish prostitution was legal, to be rid of the headache and the drama and the bull that come with men, I would pay for the fantasy, get my release, and continue on with my life. Then there is the guilt that comes along with my religion for joining myself with a prostitute, and how can I ask for forgiveness if I am not remorseful?  I don't think I would even have time to think about this, if I was working. I feel like I am stuck in limbo, waiting for the next big thing......the turning point....maybe I am thinking too much. Maybe I should just surrender my mind and watch some mind numbing television until, I am brainwashed to believe what I see, and I can think about trivia items that will not change the world, but keep me entertained until, I choose to use my mind, if I choose to use my mind again....lol. I don't know, let me go to sleep..