New Year.....

When you sit at home all day with an infant that is pretty much on a schedule you have time to do a lot of thinking, and that can drive you crazy if you let it. I have had much time to reflect and think the past, and what I could have done differently. But the truth of the matter is , I can't change the past. I can only change the future. I enjoy spending time with my daughter, she makes me smile so much, and she is adorable. I pray to God to help me to forgive her father for being such a shitty asshole, I find comfort in knowing that he will reap the seeds he has sown, and I pity him because I don't think he is strong enough to handle what he dishes out. Oh well, I don't want to be around when the walls come tumbling down. I am looking forward to starting a new job this year, and even though I am not sure if I am ready, but I know before the year is out, I would at least want to go on one date. I am happy that I made it 366 days without sex. I talked to one of my ex's and he laughed and asked if I was still alive...he knew my insatiable appetite well. I am looking forward to getting a place of my own again, so my little pumpkin and me can just be. I know this is weird, but I want one more child, (a boy). I wish that my daughter's father, would donate some sperm, so at least they would have the same shitty father biologically, and I could get my tubes tide, and marry a responsible man. I can't imagine having sex with him again, emotionally I have nothing for him, but my daughter is beautiful, and I am thinking we make beautiful children together. It was just a thought, at least that way I will not have two children, with two different fathers. This is why, you should get married  first, but then again that's not even guaranteed to last.