Therapy

This my therapy, I thought about going to waste my time talking to another human being about my issues, then I thought, why do that when I can 1) talk to God because ultimately he is the only One that can fix them. 2) I can write it for all of the world to see, just to get it out, and if someone cares to comment then I know it's because they truly took the time to actually read my post. So for me this is great, I can bear my soul without being totally vulnerable because there is a bit of anonymity here.

So sex has been on my mind lately, I am 60 days away from going a year without it, but given the circumstances, being a really angry pregnant lady for 9 months, then having a natural episiotomy (vaginal tear) during labor because I didn't have sex at all during the pregnancy, so my pum pum was super tight. I remember how painful my vaginal exam was 3 weeks before my daughter was born, and my doctor's bewildered facial expression when she discovered that I had not be having sex, it was at that moment I laughed to myself because I knew she thought I was lying. So after the tearing and the stitches it would be six weeks of healing ( and bleeding ) but for me since I was diabetic and I had two small fibroid tumors, and I had an IUD placed, it was eight weeks before the bleeding stopped and everything seems to be back to normal (I looked in a mirror and my girl looks normal again), and my hormones seem to be regular. So tonight I was watching this movie with Black Thought (I have been a fan of his lyrics for sometime now), and I was like "Hmm he is looking really tasty" it was very short lived though because I thought about all of my past sexual escapades and I  thought of the results of each and I thought nope, this feeling in my flesh shall past. Its just is not worth it anymore, it is like my mind and heart and flesh are all fight against each other, but as I look at where I am currently, my mind has a logical practical answer for every foolish feeling or hormonal yearning that tries to surface. The heart is foolish, and loves without consequence, the flesh is an insatiable pleasure junkie, and I am all too familiar with results if one is lead by either, so from now on my cautious mind is what I will follow.....my heart and flesh are speaking nonsense and my ears are deaf to them, and both are closed until further notice.