No Reciprocity Here

For what seems like the longest time to me, I have been dwelling in the past, and trying to figure out the quickest way possible to get over getting my feelings hurt, forgive those who hurt me, so that I may move on to the next chapter in my life. Everyone tells you what to do, but no one seems to know, how. I was talking to an older woman today, and in the midst of my emotions, she said you have to get the "hell the over it", and I asked her HOW?! Tell me what to do so I can get over it. Then she said something about its going to take time, but she didn't tell me how to forgive someone for hurting you. How to let go of the anger, but I discovered that if admitted not only to her but to myself aloud, and I heard myself speaking the words of how I truly felt, that it lifted a weight, that had been weighing me down for at least a year. To admit that I was hurt and felt deceived and rejected, and that I felt I had been betrayed, and that even though my hurts were, all of these feelings were rooted in love. If I didn't still love, and care for the person that hurt me, then I couldn't hold on to the hurt. It wouldn't matter if I didn't care. And once I admitted aloud that I still loved him even after all the mistreatment, and the rejection and abandonment, a weight was lifted. I feel like, okay, I loved him and he didn't love me back. But, that's okay, there is no wrong in loving someone, I didn't do anything wrong. I treated him the way I wanted to be treated. I didn't pretend, I didn't deceive him, I didn't lie to him, it was 100% real on my end. I opened my heart let him in, and I got hurt. I loved him and he didn't love me back. I am accepting that. It hurts but, life goes on. I was good. He always would say "be good" and I was. I was open, and it was a joke to him. He was a good pretender, he even gave me little gifts just to string me along, I thought they were thoughtful, a letter, a pilsner glass from his travels, and a wooden figurine. I used to read that letter almost every night, when he was away, and I missed him. And the glass was thoughtful, because I actually did like beer (when I used to drink), and I liked German beer, because a friend of mine introduced me to the smoother taste of German beer during my undergraduate days, and I loved it way better than the bitter beers here. I don't remember if I ever told him that story, but it was thoughtful and I really liked it, because it also fit nicely with my other shot glasses from my travels. And last but not least, the wooden figurine with the big bottoms. I don't have a round bottom, just a flat one, still jiggly, but it was a joke and it made me laugh at the time. Too bad it was all just little things to keep me hanging on like a fool. He played me well, and I fell for it. I loved him and he didn't love me back. The more I say it, the more I can accept it, and not be angry. In time I will have no emotional response towards anything regarding him, other than my daughter. Because, I still love him, and he never loved me at all.