Once is enough

I know my daughter has other siblings, but if it is left up to me she will not meet them, honestly I am tired of being the bigger person. I didn't make the other children, I am not married to her father, and honestly since he wanted me to kill my child, then told me that he was going to deny her, and treated me worse than a street whore, as if I set him up, (yeah it's every woman's dream to have an unfaithful, irresponsible, uneducated, dead beat baby daddy with multiple children by multiple women as her husband. Yeah by having his baby out of wed-lock that would lock him down, what a catch...lol )  why on earth would I want my child to be associated with anyone that is kin to him, and subject her to being treated or regarded as anything other than the  beautiful blessing she is ?

Side note: I know you are thinking " You should have thought of that before getting pregnant " and I did (actually, it was on the tail end of things that I ended up pregnant, I had prepared well, up until that point...lol. It is so funny because he was suppose to move in, and at that point I thought  "okay if he is going to be living here, let me get on birth control just in case I can get pregnant, because he is fertile, and this ninja is not leaving me with a baby, while he goes off and marries his virgin bride". Ha that's exactly what he did. I am so embarrassed, ashamed, and angry at times, more at myself for even allowing him into my world, for overlooking all of those things just to focus on the positive, and there was some positive character traits at the time (more than just sex)  I know everyone has good and bad and he was showing me the "good guy",  but now I am convinced it was all just a show for him to get what he wanted, how he wanted and I am forced to accept the harsh truth that good men don't abandon their children willingly. I have look at our daughter, who re-symbols him everyday, it is difficult at times, but  then I remember that she is innocent, beautiful, deeply loved  and happy except for when I don't feed her on time..lol..... and that makes me smile, then she smiles. I love it (being a mother) .....I am thinking I should just tell my daughter that I had a one night stand and that I didn't know him that well, and that don't know where he is (which is 2/3rds true..lol apparently I didn't know him that well, and I don't know where he is.). Or better yet that he is dead, that way she will not go searching for him, who knows by the time she starts asking question maybe he will be, and the re-placement will be on deck...lol. Bad Joke, but it's how I feel.

I have to remind myself that he did us a favor by leaving, that opens the door for someone better. Last time I didn't think about the consequences of my actions, but this time I will. I know what to look for in a mate.I am grateful that I can choose a father for my daughter that will cherish her, and protect us, and love her unconditionally, be an example for what she is to look for in a mate. I messed up bad, but the good news is I will not do it again. Once is enough for me. Lesson Learned.