Peace or Apathy

Today, baby said her first word, of course it would have to be da da, but at least she looked at my father and said it. I was surprised, because it seems as though it is way too soon, but she is ahead of the average children her age anyway. She doesn't want to crawl, but would rather you stand her up, and attempts to walk. I really can't blame her, she is around adults all day. Either me or my parents, so she wants to imitate what she sees. My family jokes that she is getting out of the way to make room for another child, but I'm not having sex any time soon, and I have found that to be 100% effective as a method for birth control. Also, I am not doing anything that would attract the opposite sex, I'm fatter (me plus the extra baby weight). I refuse to wear make up, my "mom uniform" consist of yoga pants a tee shirt and a hoodie and either crocs or sneakers and honestly I try to give off a leave me alone, I'm a broke single mother, that doesn't want to bothered by you if you don't have any cash vibe. And even after all that, men still want to flirt, and I think to myself, "Really?!, ain't nobody got time for that"....lol. But, truth is I don't have time for that. I applied to yet another job, and this one was heaven sent, it is a 4 year contract position in the area ( so I wouldn't have to move too far), and after the interview I was the only candidate, but being as though Congress and the President can't seem to agree on financial issues the position was put on "hold", I wasn't finished with the book like application, but given a week, and I would have been. I am not going to lose hope and complete the application so if by chance the position opens up everything will be in place, but I'm going to start to look for jobs in the rotten apple, it is even colder there than here, but at least I can work there like yesterday, it is no place to raise a child, but with my bills that keep coming every month, my dwindling savings, and with surprise bills like medical bills that my insurance didn't pay, VA benefits over payment (which now have to be repaid) , and the (large) federal tax bill that will be due in April, I need a miracle Lord, because I don't have it right now. And when the tax guy called and said that I can pay him whenever, I knew I was in bad shape, I had to sit and think, what am I going to do? I cried a little, my mom said well just pray, and I was a little angry because I have been praying, God knows that what I need, before I need it (well at least that's what I have been told) so why waste my time asking for it, or telling Him what I need. He knows, so when the man called to give me the news that position I am applying for is on hold, I was like well I will continue to complete the application and if it happens great if not, I don't care. I will just have to suck it up and move to a filthy city and make enough money so that I will never have to be in this position again. I was thinking what else? From the time I have gotten pregnant it has been crazy, but at the same time I smile at least once everyday, and the end of the day we (my daughter and I) have the necessities, and I am not sure if I have been beaten down so much that I just don't give a damn anymore, or if this is the peace that surpasses all understanding, either way it is that it is...tomorrow is another day (in my Scarlett O'Hara Voice)